On Sundays I hear mass with either my parents or my kids... or on rare occasions with both. But today's mass was different because it was offered for the intention of Max's 9th day of passing. This is a normal custom for us Filipino Catholics and I'm sure we've all taken part in someone's 9th day service at one point or another. Today, however, I went with Stefi and Luke (my eldest and youngest), to offer our prayers for our dearest friends' little angel Max, who unlike many people, passed through this earth and remained a blessed and pure spirit.
My dear friend had a difficult pregnancy and because of many complications gave birth to a lifeless little angel at 32 weeks. We all offered words of wisdom, but we could not even begin to understand the pain of little Max's parents. How do you console an expectant mother who waited but never got her chance to care for her infant? It was heartbreaking. Our best advise was for her to talk to a priest for spiritual guidance, understanding, healing and acceptance. Sometimes when everything is falling apart and we cannot make sense of it all, it is God's way of tapping us on the shoulder and calling our attention. Turning to Him at our lowest point is a gift in itself because it gives us a chance to mend our ways and turn our life around.
Today as my friend spoke in front of us after mass, I saw that she has found her way back. Her circumstance did not change, but you could hear God's wisdom in her words. The pain is just as real but the acceptance of the situation is part of her healing process. She still cried and that's alright... we all did. But I saw how the Holy Spirit filled her with strength as she gently and openly surrendered to the will of the Lord. After she spoke, I told her that I know she's going to be alright. I pray for her continued healing and thank the Lord for holding her in the palm of His hand.
All parents want only the best for their children. But sometimes in working hard to provide for our children, we forget to nurture our relationships with them. We may be able to buy all the material things in this world with the money we earn but we can never buy back time. Today the priest said do not wait till the last minute because we are on borrowed time. Only God knows when our time is up. The priest meant live a decent, holy life. Following that, don't you think we should make the most of what little time we have with our children? Was it worth spanking them or yelling at them or humiliating them? I used to feel bad seeing them sleep at night like little angels while asking myself "How could I have spanked or scolded this innocent child?" I made a conscious effort to pull them aside and explain to them what they have done wrong and why this is not acceptable. Of course there are still the occasional screaming and emotional outbursts but to a limited degree... and for this I am truly sorry Stefi, Matt and Luke.
Our lives and relationships are a work in progress. I realize that our children are God's gifts to us and we are given a rare opportunity to mold them into the persons they become. Nurture their spirits so they may grow up gentle, loving and kind. Guide them but let them explore, tumble and fall because this is the way we all learn. Do not tie their hands down for fear that they might commit the same mistakes we made. Trust them so they may learn to trust us. Encourage them to follow their passion. Tell them that failure is part of the process and does not mean the end. Teach them to fight for what is right without being disrespectful. Fill them with courage, not fear; love, not indifference; gratitude, not thanklessness; humility, not arrogance; acceptance, not doubt. Apologize to them when you hurt them and look into their eyes when you tell them you love them.
My friend would have given up the world to do any of these things with Max. We should be grateful that we still have the opportunity to do so with our children. Max, your mom was right in saying somehow your life did not go to waste because you have in one way or another touched or changed our lives for the better. Thank you, Max, for reminding me how lucky I am. You truly are our Little Angel. May you rest peacefully in the arms of our Creator.
