A Little Angel named Max

On Sundays I hear mass with either my parents or my kids... or on rare occasions with both.  But today's mass was different because it was offered for the intention of Max's 9th day of passing.  This is a normal custom for us Filipino Catholics and I'm sure we've all taken part in someone's 9th day service at one point or another.  Today, however, I went with Stefi and Luke (my eldest and youngest), to offer our prayers for our dearest friends' little angel Max, who unlike many people, passed through this earth and remained a blessed and pure spirit.

My dear friend had a difficult pregnancy and because of many complications gave birth to a lifeless little angel at 32 weeks.  We all offered words of wisdom, but we could not even begin to understand the pain of little Max's parents.  How do you console an expectant mother who waited but never got her chance to care for her infant?  It was heartbreaking.  Our best advise was for her to talk to a priest for spiritual guidance, understanding, healing and acceptance.  Sometimes when everything is falling apart and we cannot make sense of it all, it is God's way of tapping us on the shoulder and calling our attention.  Turning to Him at our lowest point is a gift in itself because it gives us a chance to mend our ways and turn our life around. 

Today as my friend spoke in front of us after mass, I saw that she has found her way back.  Her circumstance did not change, but you could hear God's wisdom in her words.  The pain is just as real but the acceptance of the situation is part of her healing process.  She still cried and that's alright... we all did.  But I saw how the Holy Spirit filled her with strength as she gently and openly surrendered to the will of the Lord.  After she spoke, I told her that I know she's going to be alright.  I pray for her continued healing and thank the Lord for holding her in the palm of His hand.

  

All parents want only the best for their children.  But sometimes in working hard to provide for our children, we forget to nurture our relationships with them.  We may be able to buy all the material things in this world with the money we earn but we can never buy back time.  Today the priest said do not wait till the last minute because we are on borrowed time.  Only God knows when our time is up.  The priest meant live a decent, holy life.  Following that, don't you think we should make the most of what little time we have with our children?  Was it worth spanking them or yelling at them or humiliating them?  I used to feel bad seeing them sleep at night like little angels while asking myself "How could I have spanked or scolded this innocent child?" I made a conscious effort to pull them aside and explain to them what they have done wrong and why this is not acceptable.  Of course there are still the occasional screaming and emotional outbursts but to a limited degree... and for this I am truly sorry Stefi, Matt and Luke.

Our lives and relationships are a work in progress.  I realize that our children are God's gifts to us and we are given a rare opportunity to mold them into the persons they become.  Nurture their spirits so they may grow up gentle, loving and kind.  Guide them but let them explore, tumble and fall because this is the way we all learn.  Do not tie their hands down for fear that they might commit the same mistakes we made.  Trust them so they may learn to trust us. Encourage them to follow their passion.  Tell them that failure is part of the process and does not mean the end.  Teach them to fight for what is right without being disrespectful.  Fill them with courage, not fear; love, not indifference; gratitude, not thanklessness; humility, not arrogance; acceptance, not doubt. Apologize to them when you hurt them and look into their eyes when you tell them you love them.  

My friend would have given up the world to do any of these things with Max.  We should be grateful that we still have the opportunity to do so with our children. Max, your mom was right in saying somehow your life did not go to waste because you have in one way or another touched or changed our lives for the better.  Thank you, Max, for reminding me how lucky I am.  You truly are our Little Angel.  May you rest peacefully in the arms of our Creator.

Fridays of Lent

Being a predominantly Catholic country, most Filipino households are faced with a challenge, menu-wise, all the Fridays of Lent.  Like many people, I realize how hard it is to have something taken away from you... which in this case is meat.  The only day of the week you can't have meat is the one day you seem to crave it, or dream of it even.  By choice I've gone a whole day without meat, and no biggie, my world did not come tumbling down.  But the one day I'm told I can't have meat... it's as if I can't live without it... I go crazy thinking about it... like I'm going to lose it if I don't get my hands on it.  Maybe it has something to do with the saying "You don't know what you've got until it's gone."  So the Pork Sinigang or the Chicken Adobo I snubbed a few days ago seem like a rare delicacy come Friday.  Or maybe I just have control issues... yeah, maybe that's it.  "You can't have it," therefore "I want it!"  

So fine, no meat on all Fridays of Lent.  But you can only have so much tilapia, galunggong or adobong pusit. Of course in the middle of the week I started dreaming of Spaghetti Vongole and so on market day we asked Helen, my parents' cook, to buy "Halaan" also known as "Manila Clams."  I think watching re-runs of Junior Master Chef has inspired me to get my hands dirty in the kitchen.  I recall watching Giada De Laurentiis make something like this a while back so I searched for the recipe.  And to my surprise... it's one of the easiest pasta dishes you could ever make.  I highly suggest you guys try it.  I made it with Luke, my youngest, and served it for lunch.  I think my Mom, Dad & Stefi, my eldest, liked it but Luke and I enjoyed it the most.  It's simple yet flavorful.  No heavy sauces smothering the pasta, just the wonderful flavor of the clams and its natural juices.  So, of course, going meatless is doable as you can see.  Now only one question remains:  "Why couldn't I have thought of this on a Friday?"

Here's the link to the recipe.  Enjoy!

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/spaghetti-with-clams-recipe/index.html

Endings Make Way for New Beginnings

There are always two sides to a coin... and no, I'm not using the glass is half-empty or half-full analogy.  I'm just saying that we always have a choice.  No matter how much we cry, or complain, or concoct stories to redeem ourselves, I'm telling you, we always have a choice.  And sometimes, life is not as complicated as we make it out to be.  Maybe some of us just have a deep love for the arts like, say, theater... so we over dramatize things... blow them out of proportion... or simply love playing the role of the victim.   As you know, victim stories have a captive audience.  Hence, the huge market for soap operas in all cultures... even dubbed in our native tongue or dialect so we can relate to the oppressed characters and say "See, these things also happen in other parts of the world."  The number one advocate being women.

I come from an 18-year marriage that bore three amazing children.  My love story began when I was fourteen in Manila, continued in the US when I was nineteen, marriage solemnized shortly before I turned twenty one and ended when I turned forty.  I was verbally and physically abused by a womanizer... unknown to many except for the closest family and friends.  Don't get me wrong... I was in love.  In between the fights and rough patches, there were many happy memories, too.  I wanted to teach my children good Christian morals and values.  I wanted to paint many happy childhood memories for them.  For the most part I think those goals were achieved.  But it was inevitable that remnants of the abuse would rear in its ugly head leaving night-marish memories not only with me but also with our eldest child.

Maybe I had waited too long to get out but what's done is done.  I cannot live in the what ifs.  I live for today.  I chose to forgive my ex-husband for all the heartaches and pain of the last 18 years and thank him for giving me three beautiful children.  I also forgave myself for staying that long.  I played the victim but I'm done with that part.  I no longer want to be miserable.  I choose to be happy.  I am grateful for all the blessings in my life.  I am thankful for a new beginning.  I had to end a chapter in my life in order to start a new one.  The decision did not come easily.  Unfortunately there were a lot of collateral damage... with children involved as well as family and friends caught in the middle.  

But we are all doing our best to support one another.  Every 24 hours the sun comes up and we get a chance to do things better than the day before... a chance not to commit the same mistakes... a chance to start a new story... a chance to fulfill our dreams... a chance to say "Thank you, Lord, for a new beginning."